Okay this is the first in what I hope will be a short series of articles. The topic they are covering is basically a beginners guide to bondage. I am NOT an expert writer and I have rarely tried anything like this. So don't expect perfection.
This is the first installment of a series of articles on the subject of bondage for couples. Now I'm not talking about the tricked out dungeon that some people are already thinking about or the rows of torture devices and many of the other BDSM trappings. No I am talking about private intimate bondage between two lovers, one giving control up while the other taking control. The idea of letting ones self go into the realm of complete trust of another, while that person shows that they are fully capable and deserving of that trust.
My husband and I have been very much into bondage since before we were married. I've spent time online looking into the subject, talking with others, receiving and giving advice and sharing experiences. So hopefully by summing it all up in a few postings I will be able to help a few other couples out there dip their toes into the area of sensual bondage and decide if the water is for them or not without either getting hurt in the process.
First off a warning. Something I've heard others talk about but I never ever see anybody saying until it's to late. If you are the victim of a sexual assault in the past then you will want to tread very carefully into this area. The feelings of helplessness and physical discomfort are something that come along hand in hand with being tied up. These feelings can be highly erotic and create experiences unlike anything you've had. BUT at the same time they could awaken what has happened in the past when those feeling weren't welcome and were not consensual. So be prepared to use your safeword (covered below) at a moments notice if you start to emotionally head into the wrong direction. Make sure you partner is aware of this situation and is ready to help you quickly get out of any restraints.
Okay not onto the first two most important things you must have before embarking into the field of bondage. Those would be trust and a safeword. You cannot have one without the other.
Trust is an absolute key. Your chosen partner has to be somebody you trust completely, after all you will be literally putting your body into their hands. Do not try this with a random person you picked up at a bar or off the internet. You don't know anything about them, what they are capable of or if they actually care enough about you to stop when you tell them. Some of the stories I have heard of where people have done this: A woman screaming her safeword over and over again and the guy not stopping because he said he was 'to into it', a guy tied a woman down to a bed, ball gagged her and then called over his friends to let them have a go at her telling them 'oh she's into this', and a man getting tied down and then the woman taking all of his belongings and leaving. So choose a partner that you have a standing relationship with and that you know will act in your best interest.
Safewords. This is a word chosen before anything starts up at all. If you say this word at any point during the activity the partner is to immediately stop what they are doing, asking you what is wrong and taking every action necessary to solve the problem. Be it something simple as loosening up a restraint or completely stopping all sexual activity, undoing all restraints and taking calm, good care of them. When a safeword is used it means there is a physical or emotional problem so be ready for anything. Also be clear as you can about the problem when you use it. Example: one time when my husband rolled me over to adjust positions of entry when I was heavily bound it suddenly felt like my shoulder was being pulled out of socket. So I yelled my safeword twice very quickly and then followed it up with 'My shoulder it hurts bad'. He very rapidly pulled out, sat me up and started undoing everything on my upper body.
Pick a safeword that you would normally never say during sex. Igloo, giraffe, grandmother, your favorite television show, all these are good examples. Currently my safeword is my maiden name.
Okay that's all for this first installment. Yes I know I didn't get to the actual bondage part but there is ground that has to be covered before you put somebodies hands behind their back and lock handcuffs on them. Next time I will talk about how to talk to each other during the activity because not everybody is into humiliation or degrading comments. Also there will be some talk on picking your first restraining device.
So until then remember, being kinky is a good thing when your being really bad.